One of the first major media issues in 2013 to take Malaysia by storm started off as a harmless video that covered a student forum at Universiti Utara Malaysia (UUM). A small, albeit controversial verbal exchange between a guest speaker, Sharifah Zohra Jabeen of a feminist group Suara Wanita 1Malaysia (SW1M) and a university student, K.S. Bawani, caught the attention of many Malaysians, particularly on social media. The keyword that was very significant was the repeated word that had made Sharifah so targeted and famous. Well, I am going to bring your attention to another view where “Listen, Listen, Listen” had been used quite a lot.
Listen, Listen, listen is really not rare. Many people have used it, including myself when I wanted to grab someone’s attention or be assertive to butt in and request the undivided attention of that person to listen to what we had to speak. Once again, this article has no reference or explanation to the Bawani and Sharifah incident. Getting people to listen to you has always been in demand. Demanding someone to listen to you has never been in demand.
Ever feel as if you’re speaking with the mute button on? Here’s how to get people to listen :-
1. Getting them to listen
Learn to engage with a better question. When you’re trying to be helpful, do others avoid making eye contact with you? Do they interrupt or show little interest in your point of view? You may be coming across as a know-it-all, or your advice could sound like criticism, eventually people may stop listening to your ideas altogether. Next time you have a suggestion, try asking, “Would you like to know what I think?” Or “I have a different perspective—would you like to hear it?”
Learn to engage and interact with their preferred communication modality. While you’re talking, do people check their iPhone or make you feel like you’re wasting their time? You may be losing your audience due to a discrepancy in how the interact to you in their primary sensors.
Majority people are visual, so show them rather than talk; the there are those who rather listen to what you have to say, so make sure you have a good vocal variety as you speak ‘interestingly’ to them; and finally, the Kinestatic types who are very ‘touch and feel’, so make sure you have a good emotion, empathy, heartfelt approach in getting them to ‘feel’ your communication.
2. Tell them you need their ears for a moment
You need to let people know that you just want to vent for a few minutes about what’s going on,”. Most women always want man to “Listen”. What they mainly want them to tell him that he doesn’t have to say or do anything about it. That releases him from assuming that he must offer a solution. Here is a great tip for men when you listen to a woman speak. Keep good pleasant eye contact and interest in what she says.
Acknowledge her with agreeing sounds like “mmm”, “yeah” and “really’ or “what then”. Never offer to give a solution unless she asks it. Very soon, she is going to enjoying your company and feels comfortable with you.
3. Show interest to them
No matter what, you can’t go wrong by showing interest in what other people say and making them feel important. In other words, the better you listen, the more you’ll be listened to. When you truly listen to someone i.e. when you offer them your undivided focus, summarize their main points to make sure you’re tracking, ask curiosity-based questions to find out more; then you’re demonstrating openness and respect in a powerful way.
Most people automatically want to hear what someone who seems interested in them might have to say. It doesn’t always work (some people are truly self-involved), but it usually does. This is a note to parents that this often has good results even with teenagers.
4. Observe and read the room
If you’re talking to someone or to a group, and they’re not giving you their attention (surreptitiously looking at their phones, doodling, looking out the window, writing emails), they’re not listening to you. Just like above, you talking more is probably not going to help. Stop talking. Ask a question; find out what they’re interested in hearing.
Even if you’re the most compelling speaker in the world, people won’t listen to you if they’re not interested in your topic. The depth of your passion for ‘air plants’ is not going to engage your vegan friends no matter how interesting you sound. I don’t care how articulate you are.
To boil it down: if you want people to listen to you, first listen to them. And when you do talk, focus on topics they find interesting, and paint a vivid picture – use clear, compelling words and images. Simple advice but simple doesn’t mean easy. I’d love to hear experiences you’ve had in trying to get people to listen to you. What’s worked for you and what hasn’t? So seek to listen.
The video, which has called attention to the situation of freedom of speech in Malaysia
“Listening actively means you acknowledge what you heard and act accordingly" - Betsy Sanders
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